I have some work to do around panic.
The last six months for me have been heavily punctuated by a series of medical issues that have troubled me mostly by the panic.
My heart and mind race. My breathing goes haywire and I am convinced cancer is lurking, ready to take me down. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. And the tears start rolling. Prematurely mourning.
The panic came when a medical professional suggests that “with your history, we had better double check.” The panic came when the dermatologist told me that the dodgy mole “will be nothing to worry about”. The exact words the doctor who did my breast a biopsy said 3 years ago. The panic came when I’ve been in bed with a migraine for the 10th day in 6 weeks. The panic came on days that my fatigue was at its worst. The panic came when I had chest pain, and the doctor advised me to call the ambulance. The panic came when they called me back for a second MRI without explanation.
That’s a lot of panic.
I see you panic. I see your fears. I see you lurking, ready to pounce.
Try me. I dare you. Next time I’m ready to laugh at your ridiculousness. To talk back. To tell you to go wait quietly in the corner while I get on with the important job of being well.
I will not be defined by you today, tomorrow or ever.
Three simple basics sewn from second hand cloth. A white linen tank for wearing under all the things, some navy slacks and a navy knit top.
The Dark Side: Slacks, Oscar de la Renta Vogue Pattern 1721 , fabric sourced from an op shop and Pattern Magic knit top, fabric sourced at Sew for Life Destash Market
The Light Side: Self drafted linen top, fabric sourced from an op shop worn with Tania Culottes
Photography: Baker Photography